Oh sure, you can go to the Sun-Yat Sen Gardens, and the Chinese Cultural Center and Museum, but then you'll be jostling for photo-space with a hundred other digital cameras. Do you really want to inflict all that beauty, history and art on your delicate disposition?
Instead, stand at the crossing of Keefer & Columbia streets and look around you. This is the back door entrance to Chinatown. See all those poor people posing in front of the railroad worker statue? That could be you, if you weren't reading this.
Now walk East along Keefer... that is towards Main Street, for those who are directionally challenged. Cross Main, ideally when the lights are in your favor. You are still on Keefer. Look around you; for every vegetable and fruit that you recognize you will see two that are completely alien. I'm not talking about durian and dragon fruit; I'm talking about, uh, hmm, I'm not sure what those are called.
Then there are the herbal health supplement stores. Walk in, if you dare. Dried deep sea creatures, unnameable body parts of soon-to-be-extinct animals, sinister flora. All guaranteed to extend life and make you love long time. I'd stick to the jasmine green tea.
Alright, enough exotica already. Turn left on Gore... the street, not the fish innards place. Resist the urge to go into Hon's. You'll end up waiting for a table with a clutch of clueless tourists, only to be underwhelmed by the noodles. There is food in your future. I promise.
Now you're on Gore. Look around and drop us a line if you see anything quirky. Take the first left, and you're on East Pender. More vegetables, dessicated fauna, and sundry wares. Sure, give in to the urge to buy that jug of authentic Canadian maple syrup, made in China. Why not? You are probably getting distracted by that smell coming from Kent's kitchen, a cheap local eatery. But we can do better; hang in there.
Pick up the pace a little, cross Main street again. Lo weary traveler, what is that yellow sign we see yonder? It says 'New Town Bakery'... could it be that we are finally going to eat? Walk in and sneer disdainfully at the line for steamed buns and apple tarts. You're not here for some culinary foreplay; you want a meal. Don't wait to be seated. Just grab the first open table and stare thoughtfully at the all Chinese menu; it'll get you a little less contempt from the hard-boiled, but lovely, waitresses.
Now, to further cement your reputation as a not entirely contemptible tourist, don't order from the menu. When the lady raises her eyebrows, say, 'I'll have the fish with bitter melon on rice. And the complementary soup, please.” Now sit back. You have been elevated to the status of 'almost human'. And, you'll soon be eating.
ashok
Did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where Kramer finds the entire set of the Merv Griffin show in a dumpster and then begins to treat his entire life like a talk show?
